Feeling too much desire

There are some groups of people who it is assumed will not feel sexual desire. For example, many people assume that young people, older people and people with disabilities or medical problems do not have sexual feelings.

In actual fact children can start having sexual feelings and enjoying touching themselves sexually as young as four or five.

Many people over the age of retirement have sexual desires and satisfying sex lives. And there is no reason why having a disability or health problem should prevent you from being sexual. If you want to find out more about this go to www.outsiders.org.uk. If you are concerned that you have ‘too much’ sexual desire you should start by asking yourself whether this is really the case or because of the narrow-minded views of others.

Some people find their level of desire for sex is so high that it gets in the way of other aspects of their life. Again it is important to ask yourself whether it is really a problem for you, or just for other people. People devote lots of time to all kinds of things including work, socializing, watching TV, computer games and other hobbies. If sex is something you enjoy putting a lot of time and energy into then that is not necessarily a problem, whether that is sex with other people, online sex or sex on your own.

Of course it is a problem if your level of desire makes you feel uncomfortable and unhappy. Perhaps it stops you from getting on with other interests and relationships. Some people find, for example, that they spend a great deal of time looking for pornography online, having cyber-sex, going to sex clubs or sex workers, or having sex with partners, and this means that they don’t put so much time into their friendships, their work or hobbies. Sometimes they spend a lot of money on sex and get into debt. Their relationships may suffer or breakdown.

Often when we spend a lot of time doing something that ultimately isn’t very good for us or leaves us unfulfilled it is because we are getting something out of it that we aren’t getting elsewhere. It can be useful to think about what that might be for you, and to think about other ways you might get that. For example, one person might want more excitement and adventure in their life and go online for sex. They might think about other activities which could give them the same sense of excitement. Another person might hook up for sex because they want to be close to someone. They could think about forming friendships that could give them more intimacy. Sex therapy can be a good place to think about the meanings of sex for you and how you can get your needs met.

Also check out the sex tips, elsewhere on the website, which are useful more generally.